4 Mart 2010 Perşembe

MY ROOM

My room is the best place for my leisure time activities;such as playing games, watching television and listening music.l like to spend time in there because l feel myself more confortoble in there and it has a good decoration so l would like to talk to you about my room.
As you enter my room you will find out how stylish design it has.After that ,you will notice my warldrobe.it is really big because l have got so many things to put inside it .If l want to talk about the things inside it ,there are my clothes ,books and other belongings .Then on the other side of my room there is an plasma tv.Opposite that ,by the window you can have the magnificient view of our village .Lastly ,when it comes to talk about the colour of my room the main theme white .In fact;maybe you know or not generally villages paint their house white .When you look at the walls you can see the pictures that l made in my primary school.I hang them every part of my room .As the last thing on the wall there is a framework of fenerbahçe ,my favorite football team.
All these makes my room an indispensible place for me so at my leisure time l like to be inside there especially when l get bored.

6 yorum:

  1. my friend, i liked your thesis statement but there would be more desciripting words...also your conclusion would be long..anyway, your essay is ok:)

    YanıtlaSil
  2. Dear Tafyun,
    You made a very good introduction to the essay.
    The description is also effective but you can still improve the content of essay with more details.The concluding paragraph can also be improved. You can consider using more effective transitions for coherence as well.

    You wrote:
    "My room is the best place for my leisure time activities;such as playing games, watching television and listening music.l like to spend time in there because l feel ???myself more confortoble in there and it has a good decoration so l would like to talk to you about my room.
    As you enter my room you will find out how stylish design it has.After that ,you will notice my warldrobe.it is really big because l have got so many things to put inside it .If l want to talk about the things inside it ,there are my clothes ,books and other belongings .Then on the other side of my room there is an??? plasma tv.Opposite that ,by the window you can have the magnificient view of our village .Lastly ,when it comes to talk about the colour of my room the main theme??? white .In fact;maybe you know or not generally villages paint their house (in)white .When you look at the walls you can see the pictures that l made in my primary school.I hang them every part of my room .As the last thing on the wall there is a framework of fenerbahçe ,my favorite football team.
    All these makes(???) my room an indispensible place for me so at my leisure time l like to be inside there especially when l get bored.

    YanıtlaSil
  3. hi tayfun
    i like your essay.your descriptions are effective but if you give more informatiion about you room your essay can be better.

    YanıtlaSil
  4. Hi!!
    I think you essay don't include enough description sentences but i liked it much and i believe you will correct these small mistake and you will do you best thank you my friend for this good essay:))

    YanıtlaSil
  5. hi tayfun!
    your essay ıncludes some grammatıcal mıstakes but your subject ıs good...

    YanıtlaSil
  6. hi tayfun
    There are good examples in your essay and there are some mistakes but your essay subject is very good.thank youfor this nice essay,

    YanıtlaSil